i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Alive.
So much puke
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
