Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
