Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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