Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
