just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
