I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
