I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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