Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
