the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize