The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Are we still banned from the library?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
