You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am midnight drunk by noon
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
