I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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