my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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