then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
