Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
