Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
