i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
