The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
