waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
