how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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