don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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