end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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