good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
