1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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