whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
