hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
