If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
