omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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