What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the day after is always just damage control
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
