The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
