My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
