spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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