I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
