So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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