Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
