I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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