After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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