doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
