When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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