K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
