I didn't shave. On purpose
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well I just put wine in my tea
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
