when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
