i think i have herpe
just one?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
