It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
