Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
