He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
