Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
