I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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