Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Screwed.edu
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
