May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
