Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
They are going to name an STD after you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize