She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
