Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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