I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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