I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
