the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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