So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
